One of the guinea pigs in my son’s preschool classroom died and that sparked some questions, which sparked this post. This subject isn’t fun, but books are always good resources to help if and when it is time. These picture books all deal with death and while reading them my son had questions and I had a hard time keeping it together. If you have a book you recommend about dying or death please share in comments.
I Remember Miss Perry by Pat Brisson is a great book. There are some really wonderful aspects to this book that aren’t apparent at first but upon reflection really impressed me. The story is about a beloved teacher who is young, vibrant and one day tragically dies in a car accident. The rest of the book is devoted to how children grieve, from questions about if they will see her again to the realization that she wouldn’t want them to be sad and cry. I loved that the person who dies is someone important and close but not a family member.
For children just learning about death, it sort of eases them in. My son only kinda gets it , and his questions were more about if there was a firetruck and ambulance at the car accident than about death itself. He did understand and relate to the grief though, and how it’s OK to be sad when someone dies. The other wonderful thing I found was that she died in an accident, she wasn’t sick, it was sudden. SO often we teach our kids that people die when they are old or sick, and that just isn’t always true. Obviously this is an intensely personal subject and up to every family how and when they broach it , but that is what I liked.
Rudi’s Pond by Eve Bunting is about two friends, one who is sick and dies and the other who is left to grieve. What I liked about this book was that a child dies. OK, I hated that too and took more than a few moments to compose myself while reading this to my son. But, it’s a useful book for those who need it. Kids get sick and sometimes kids die. This is a good book about ways to remember friends when they do. I think the way that the little girl dealt with her sadness was honest and wonderfully portrayed.
Jim’s Dog Muffins by Miriam Cohen doesn’t beat around the bush. The first line informs the reader that Jim’s dog was smushed by a truck. At first, I thought, uh no, this book is not one I am going to like but I really do. The author has a knack of writing the story the way young kids deal with things. Kids are blunt and so is this story. I really liked that it angered Jin when a classmate suggested to him that sadness doesn’t help. And I loved their teacher’s response, too. Another good book about a tough subject.
The Heart and the Bottle by Oliver Jeffers is a metaphorical book about steeling one’s heart to loss. A little girl and her grandpa do everything together, going on adventures and imagining great things. Until one day she goes to him and his chair is empty. It’s then that she decides to put her heart in a bottle. Not until she is much older and a child fishes the heart out of the bottle does she sit down in the chair and imagine once again. I love this book. My son liked it but kept asking me if her Grandpa would be back. I didn’t explain he was dead. I did have to explain that he could not take his own heart out of his body and place it in a bottle. A great book for adults, but kids will enjoy it even if they don’t get it.
That Summer by Tony Johnson. I read this at the library alone knowing that my 3-year-old wasn’t ready for a book about death quite yet. I didn’t even try to conceal my tears. Not even crying, I was sobbing. The book is about the summer that one little boy watches his brother Joey get sick and die from Cancer. The author does a masterful job at relating grief, and the sadness of watching someone you love and don’t expect to die, get weak and leave you. As Joey’s condition worsens he learns to quilt and ultimately it’s his brother who finishes his quilt.
I can’t rave about this book enough. It simply makes the reader get it, as much as you can, without ever living this particular nightmare. The line that haunted me was: “I learned a lot that summer – how to grin when your heart is in shreds…”. That was the line that forced me into the “ugly cry”.
Edited for Fall 2010 : I wrote the above review almost a year ago and I didn’t re-read the book this week. I am not so sure I am ready for my son to read this book though, it’s one I plan on reading him at some time but with the new addition of a sibling so recent, I doubt books about death of a sibling would be timely. Still it’s an amazing and touching book.
Thank you so much for these resources. Death is inevitable at some stage in most children’s lives and I lost my Dad to cancer this year. My children and I, live thousands of miles away from my parents, so they don’t see them often enough, but they had close bonds with both of them. His death has been difficult, from the standpoint that we are so far away and they didn’t really experience him deteriorate, so they are grappling with the fact that he’s gone. I also couldn’t afford to bring them to Ireland to the funeral, so it’s another part of the closure that’s missing. I have struggled to find books appropriate for them both, so thank you for posting these and helping children with some resources for a reality of life. : )
.-= Tricia´s last blog ..Finding My Voice =-.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I’d love to recommend the books of Dr. Elisabeth KÃ¼bler-Ross on death and dying. Not children’s books, but a lot about dying children and children with losses, and a huge gift for all children if more grown ups get to share K-Ross’ knowledge and then communicate with them (their own and other people’s kids). Parts of it very controversial, but you’d find lots of things to learn important lessons from, no matter what you might not totally agree with or belive in. One of her most important messages is, I think, that children understand so so much more about the issues of death and dying than we think they do, and that they truly need us to acknowledge this :))
With love from Norway.
These look like beautiful books. I love how they all approach death from different angles: sudden death, death after sickness, an adult sying, and elder dying, a child dying…all of those approaches give ample opportunity to choose which on will suit best for any given child. Or maybe all of them.
Once Boo is a bit older and starting to ask questions, I’ll come back to this post for help. Thank you.
.-= Sam´s last blog ..BBAW- Future Treasure – Experiences and Goals =-.
Thank you for this post. My best friend died last week, and she was close to my son, he called her auntie…and is really crushed. As he is 9 years old, I think one of these stories will be helpful. Thank you for your web page.
Jenae @ I Can Teach My Child says
Thanks for posting this book list. This is never a subject we want to talk about–especially with our children, but at times we must. Sometimes books can explain better than we’re able to.
Angela- I’m so sorry to hear about your friend.
.-= Jenae @ I Can Teach My Child´s last blog ..S is for Sunflower =-.
Another well written book about loss that I reviewed last year is Always My Brother (review here: http://infantbibliophile.blogspot.com/2009/11/blog-tourreview-with-prizes-always-my.html).
.-= Lynn´s last blog ..What My Child is Reading =-.
Also, the author of the book commented on my post, and said “By the way, two books I highly recommend for loss of a pet are SAYING GOODBYE TO LULU (dog) and GOODBYE, MOUSIE.”
.-= Lynn´s last blog ..What My Child is Reading =-.
I love love love Maria Shriver’s book on the subject. It is much more general and can be read and altered to a child’s need and readiness to discuss the subject. Also, I love The Tenth Thing About Barney for any child who has lost a beloved pet.
.-= EntertainingMom´s last blog ..Leonard Bernstein Danced on my Piano =-.
Cindi Ellison says
Another great book for the loss of a pet is “The Tenth Good Thing About Barney” by Judith Viorst. It is a sweet book that really identifies with young children and their loss. As a 50 year old first grade teacher, and having lost my 18 1/2 year old day in June, this book was especially meaningful to me.
City Dog, Country Frog starts to introduce the idea of a death of a friend. It opens up the conversation, but doesn’t force it.
That is a new title for me- thank you I love finding new ones about such important topics.
Blow Me a Kiss, Miss Lilly is a great one too! It’s very sweet, but a good conversation starter.
I am a 51 year old kindergarten teacher who lost her 19 and one half year old son . A book you may really relate to us the best grief book I ever read next to the bible us called Tear Soup.
Oh Melissa I am so sorry for your loss. It made me tear up just reading your few words. I appreciate your suggestion as well. Looking for it at the library today!
Thank you. Sorry Cindi. I see it was your dog you lost now, not your son.
When my husband and had a 26 week stillborn over this last summer, my church group got my 3 year old son a book called ‘We were going to have a baby, but got an angel instead’. Perfect for that age group and explaining that the emotions he was feeling were normal.
Chantel I am so sorry for your loss but thank you so much for sharing – I am eager to read the book because i get requests for titles like this all the time. I know it will be helpful to others.
When my co-teachers mother passed away unexpectedly several years ago I remember she got a lot of comfort from the book “Tear Soup”. It’s something I have recommended to several people who have lots loved ones over the past several years.
Elaine Brown says
Water bugs and Dragonflies by Doris Stickney is a wonderful book for children explaining death and life again! I apologize if it’s already been mentioned as I didn’t read all the posts here.
Tammy Stanley says
We have been through needing to talk to our kids about death several times, once with one of their friends, and then with grandparents, as well as family friends. We found that “Beginnings and Endings with Lifetimes in Between” was an excellent book, as was Mem Fox’s “Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge” which looks at memories that can be happy or sad, but all precious. My late primary schoolers found “Mockingbird” by Kathrine Erskine a good read, about a young girl with Asperger’s Syndrome coming to terms with the death of her brother in a high school shooting, and helping the community find closure.